dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
