need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
