Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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