On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
