just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
