??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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