I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
