Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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