So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
