Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
