So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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