Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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