I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
