I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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