just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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