we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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