in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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