He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize