Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
