it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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