You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
