I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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