I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
