I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
