I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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