someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
