It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I love you.
Bad choice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
