My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize