I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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