Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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