Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
