TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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