when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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