sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
