im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
