I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
