We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize