Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
