Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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