If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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