U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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