I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
