lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i drank out of a bidet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
