we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
