he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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