it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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