Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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