Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
