did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
