New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
