omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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