i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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