The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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