Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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