your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
