How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is the high leading the old right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
