I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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