he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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