and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
