i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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