cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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