By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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