i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
