i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
