mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
