it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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