careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
