I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
